It’s just a crush, it’s not love or anything. Don’t want to exaggerate. Perhaps I just find him cute— the way he smiles, the way he talks, the way he chuckles and the way his eyes twinkle when he laughs. Maybe I’m exaggerating what I feel. I don’t want to assume nor expect because in the end, I’ll be disappointed. He probably has high standards with girls; he wouldn’t go for a messed up girl like me.
" I’m tired of chasing, I’m tired of hanging on, I’m tired of always waiting for you to come back to me. Am I incapable of being loved the way I love you or even more. It hurts when you say that feelings have been lost but what hurts even more is the look of defeat all over your face. Like as though, you can’t bear to keep trying . Like as though, you don’t want to.
Everyone tells me to find move on, to find someone my worth, someone who would readily give herself, in every complete way mind you, to me
But I don’t want to even though I know that to be the truth. I don’t want to because this wasted heart, this heart of mine that is yours till kingdom come, will always, always be utterly in love with you.
This is what I would say
" I know. I’m sorry but I love you. I don’t want to let you go but I just don’t know how to anymore and maybe I should just man up and ignore all the voices and just find you again but oh how I hate this huge inner conflict.How I hate this fear of being honest with you"
“That’s the worst of growing up, and I’m beginning to realize it. The things you wanted so much when you were a child don’t seem half so wonderful to you when you get them.”—Anne of Green Gables, L.M. Montgomery (via cat-bones)
and some may argue that I’ve asked for it to be confusing and sticky and maybe, maybe filled with potential guilt while others passes comments such as, ” you’re too good as a person” and ” no one else would do what you are doing”
but I really can’t see a way out of this unless someone is left broken
so the way I see it, as long as that someone is me and not you( or anyone else), it sounds like a fair deal
before I shower:ugh damn it i'm too lazy and i don't want to shower
when I'm in the shower:jesus christ this is the most relaxing thing ever it's like a vacation in my own bathroom so warm so magical this is holy water that's been blessed by god himself i never want to leave this spot.